I’ve been wanting to write a blog for a while. I aspire to be someone who writes consistently and uses writing to invite people in our world here in Tahiti - to “show you around” in what daily life looks like. So far, that’s not happening but here is another blog non-the-less and moves us toward that ideal ;)
Handling expectations well has always been hard for me. Maybe because I’m more practical - I’m a planner by nature and dreaming is far harder for me. It seems useless…why would I spend time thinking about something if I don’t know if it will happen? Turns out, dreams are healthy and even us “planners” need them in some capacity to make sure we don’t get too cynical and to motivate us to risk a bit. But with dreams come expectations of how things will turn out and that’s the real trouble for me. It seems for those that dreaming comes naturally - if a dream fails they just pick up a new dream. For a planner, failure kills new dreams. Because I can’t just hold that dream with open hands - let it take shape and be what it will be (or not be). I hold it tight, I mold it and shape it and try desperately to see that dream through to the end. What happens when the dream doesn’t take shape like I expect?
David and I have been in a hard season here in Tahiti. We have been here almost 4 years now - our team has gone through many changes and just recently we transitioned into a season where it is just our family living here and “YWAM Tahiti” is just us Burrs! This is not what we expected. We came with dreams of a growing team - it dwindled. We wanted training schools - We have run no training schools. I thought I would be fluent in French by now - I am not. Dreams dying.
This brought us to a low point. Feeling lost and like, “Well if all we came here for isn’t happening, why are we here?” We expected big things and those things are not happening yet. But was it the overall vision or dream that was wrong, or simply the expectation of how that vision/dream would play out? I think that is the kicker for me and the point of this blog. God has given us a renewed vision for our year ahead (you can read more about his on my husband’s www.theburrs.org/davids-blog/how-to-eat-an-elephantlatest blog here) but what I really feel is happening is God is resetting our expectations. The plans we came with were not bad ones - our whole original team came here with plans that were good! But God is changing those plans and now the question is can I open my hands, let go of what I thought I wanted and let God show me how He may want this to look? I think there is much freedom ahead for our family as we open our hands, let go of original expectations and let God work. The DREAM hasn't died…just our expectation of how the dream would play out. And that’s fine. In my head I know that God's version of all this is WAY better than mine but sometimes it’s hard for my emotions and heart to catch up.
What are you struggling with in your current "season" of life or calling? Is that struggle because of the death of a dream or just your expectation of that dream?
“The hope of the righteous brings joy,
but the expectation of the wicked will perish.”
Outside of Jesus, dreams are daunting because there is no hope or certainty that things will turn out well. It makes sense to feel the need to control dreams if the outcome is purely in your own hands. But as Christians that isn't our outlook. Whether my dreams turn out the way I expect or not, I KNOW that my future is not in my control and that He who does hold my future loves and cares for me. I’m learning to take heart in that, trust and release :)