Here is a little look at how we are doing and what is going on with us personally rather than with YWAM ministry.
A little background…
Over the Christmas holidays our teammate Megan heard clearly from the Lord what to do once her initial 3 year commitment with us ends in August 2017. She will be moving back to the USA and pursue going back to school. We are happy and excited for her yet at the same time quite sad to think that come August our family will be on its own again here in Tahiti.
In February we learnt that the owner of our apartment complex is no longer taking renters and that all the units are up for sale. Our apartment will most likely not be sold for over a year but it does mean that we no longer have anywhere to put new staff, volunteers or outreach teams. We have had access to empty units due to favour with our landlord but that season is over.
It was quite discouraging to hear that YWAM Tahiti no longer has any place to put anyone who may want to come join us. We all prayed together and heard God speak that we are entering a “winter season”. This is to be a time where we intentionally seek Him and devote ourselves to prayer. This will prepare us for a future springtime of new growth. We heard from the Lord specific ways to respond and press into Him.
Our current situation…
Then a little over a month ago Erin and I got into an argument in our kitchen. I do not remember what the argument was about but it was nothing serious: typical marriage argument. However, I found myself getting unusually angry. Erin was being her normal, humble self, trying to make peace and figure out an agreement but I was just getting angrier and angrier. We stopped arguing because I was yelling and could not settle myself.
Erin is very gracious and wise – she waited a while and then sent me an email. She was apologizing for her part in the argument and trying find resolution. It was in reading the email that I had a revelation of what had been going on inside of me.
To summarize – there were a lot of emotions below the surface that I did not realize. The argument simply caused them to finally boil over. What I was feeling inside was a lot of shame, guilt and condemnation over the fact that YWAM Tahiti has not progressed or grown as we hoped it would. I was feeling like a failure and for the first time wanted to just quit.
After a good talk and prayer together Erin (once again) was wise in saying that we should not think this will simply go away or that it is “just a phase”. We need to seek some help personally and help to see how to move YWAM Tahiti forward.
Since that argument life is much better! God has been so faithful to speak fresh new words and teach us many new things. Besides much personal revelation, the first thing God has spoken so far in regards to how to move YWAM forward was a word from Malachi 4:6 – turning the hearts of the fathers and children to each other. God said “no sonship = no inheritance.” God placed on our hearts people and YWAM bases who are a sort of spiritual covering to us yet with whom we were no longer properly aligned in a spirit of sonship.
We have begun to reach out and make things right with these relationships. We sense that this is bringing a spiritual release over us. We are still struggling in some ways: homesickness, discouragement, and simply not knowing how to “fix it”: how to help YWAM grow. However, we believe that God will continue to speak and lead us towards growth.
We will continue to pursue the word God spoke of pressing in during a winter season. We will also continue to align ourselves with our spiritual coverings. However, one thing that must fall into place is different housing. We need a house that is big enough for our family AND has extra space for other staff or visiting teams. We need a place where we can operate more as a YWAM base. With housing in place we believe that next step of growth can take place.